Tag Archives: addiction

Unconditional Love and Grace Are Not Dirty Words

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A few weeks ago I heard a preacher talk about God’s unconditional love as if it was a dirty word. On another occasion, an old friend spoke of grace with equal disdain. I understand where they were coming from. One was coming from an attitude of legalism, while the other was grieving over grace being taken for granted and used as a license to sin. I am grateful that the pastors and teachers at the church I attend preach about God’s unconditional love and grace in a balanced way and without contempt.

 My daughter and I were discussing how people see truths differently depending on where they are in life and through which lens they are looking. For example, a person who truly recognizes his or her own utter depravity and the amazing grace and unconditional love of God, tends to really understand grace and is able to be gracious toward others. They see grace in a very positive way. Those who tend toward legalism and feel justified because they are able to keep certain commandments or live what they consider to be a good Christian life, tend to view unconditional love and grace with less value and speak contemptuously about churches that emphasize God’s love and grace. It is reminiscent of what Jesus said to Simon, the Pharisee, when he scorned Jesus for allowing a prostitute to wipe His feet with her hair. Jesus said:

“Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gave me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but his woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, her sins which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much; but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.” (Luke 7:36-50)

The preacher I heard also mentioned visiting a fellow Christian, and upon finding out he had beer in his refrigerator, condemned him and questioned whether or not the man was a true Christian. Even if the man was an alcoholic, it does not mean he is not a Christian. What if he is addicted but wants to quit? What if he agrees with God that his drunkenness is sin? Didn’t the Apostle Paul himself say in the very same letter to the Romans concerning there being “therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”, that he himself does what he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t do what he wants to do? Didn’t Paul call himself a wretched man and thank God for Jesus Christ his Lord? (Romans 7 :14-25)

The attitude of the preacher reminds me of the parable Jesus told of the Pharisee and the publican (with modern claims added in italics and parentheses for emphasis):

And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, “God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. (Alcohol has never touched my lips, nor my feet entered a movie theater. I am in church every time the doors are open, and I go out soul-winning every week.)” And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, “God be merciful to me a sinner.” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. —Luke 18:9-14

Another preacher, who is full of grace, has never condemned his crack addict friend. He does not question his love for the Lord just because his friend is in church for a time and then falls back into his crack addiction. This preacher loves his friend unconditionally and encourages him to never, ever, ever give up. Which one would you say is more like Jesus?

Unconditional love and grace are, indeed, not to be used as a license to do whatever we want. If we do that, then it is fair that our love for God would be put in question. But if we hate when we sin, if we agree with God and try to turn away from doing it again…

and again…

and again,

He forgives us 70 x 7, because He is full of grace and a love that does not put conditions on us, like doing penance, before He will love us again. His love is unconditional. A person who simply dismisses sin and makes light of it because of grace and unconditional love, may need to consider the seriousness of sin, the purpose of obedience, and his/her own love for God. Likewise, people who speak of unconditional love and grace with disdain, may need to consider their own depravity and remember from what they themselves have been saved.

If I err, I would rather err on the side of love and grace.


If you liked this, you might also like… Love Sometimes Comes in Waves

Crybaby Party!

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Have you ever felt like life isn’t fair, like you’ve been mistreated and misunderstood, and wanted to throw a pity party?  I have.  Last August I posted a story and video featuring “Pops”, a former drug addict known as “El Diablo” by some and “Animal” by others.  The post is entitled Never, Ever, Ever Give Up!.  His son, Michael D. Sidebottom, also a former drug addict, recently published a book entitled On the Road: I Need Not Walk Alone.  Michael, through poems and thoughts, expresses the struggles and victories and the range of emotions he experienced in his fight against addiction and his road to recovery.  He has given me permission to post an excerpt that gives two different responses to dealing with life.

Crybaby Party

The invitations are sent,
The plans have been made,
It’s a crybaby party,
Complete with parade.

Bring your own pity,
Wrapped in shame,
Be prepared to play,

The theme of the party,
Is “Poor Little Me!”
It’s a crybaby party,
Admission is free.

We’ll play lots of games,
With pity-pot prizes,
And lament my misfortune,
When the full moon rises.

The cake has been frosted,
The balloons blown up,
It’s a crybaby party,
I hope you show up.

Lose your own problems,
On the dance floor,
It’s not about you,
Leave your smiles at the door.

I’m such a crybaby,
Poor little me,
Please come to my party,
And cry with me!

[Michael’s] Thoughts

Life isn’t fair.  I didn’t deserve the situation my life was put in.  I didn’t deserve my unjust arrest and conviction.  I deserved a better fate.  Why was I so tortured, so abused and taken advantage of, so mistreated and misunderstood?  Poor little me!  Poor, poor little me!

This was my attitude and my way of thinking for the first couple of months of my recovery.  It was the way I truly believed.  If I was such a good person, then why were all these bad things happening to me?

“It isn’t fair!” I told everyone while trying to elicit their sympathy for my situation.  I cried about my problems to anyone who would listen.  I even wrote about it.  I used “poor little me” as a platform for getting what I wanted.  The problem was that my recovery never made any progress during this time.  My life never got any better.  I managed to convince some people to feel sympathy for me, and that in turn made me feel better briefly, but it was a hollow feeling.  Sympathy never makes things better; it just puts a spotlight on the problem.  Being in the spotlight brings a false sense of justification; but when it fades, the problem is still there.

The point where my recovery turned around and finally started working was when I was told, with no sympathy, that I was a whiney crybaby.  My eyes were opened to my selfish attitude; and I finally accepted the possibility of a better life, a life of being responsible for my own fate and finding serenity in the acceptance of my life for what it was.

That was the day I dried my crybaby tears and grew up.

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Disclosure:  I purchased the book myself and was not financially compensated for this post.  Besides the excerpt, the opinions expressed are completely my own and based on my own experiences and preview.

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